Encouraging Your Partner to Shave "Down Below"
Dear Ayla,
I saw your website and was wondering if you could help me. My wife sports a full bush that she doesn't want to shave or wax. At one point about a year ago she used an electric razor and gave herself "buzzcut". She said it was very uncomfortable during sex and stopped after a couple of buzzes.
BTW I shave with the electric razor and find being clean shaven to be very pleasurable. She says waxing is very painful and won't entertain the thought.
I would very much like her to shave/wax but am getting nowhere. It's frustrating on my end but she doesn't seem to want to experiment. I also don't want her to get in a tizzy and cut out our sex life. We have been married for 18 years.
I think that the problem is that once she got the buzzcut it was uncomfortable and she just lost interest in the whole thing. She doesn't want to try going bare figuring it will still be uncomfortable (a landing strip or some other funky shape would be fine with me).
Any help you can give me would be appreciated. I have thought about mixing it in with foreplay but never quite figured the best approach. I wish that there was some way to make it her idea since she is a very self directed person.
Wishing for the Shaved Life
Hi Wishing,
Thanks for contacting us.
Your problem is a common one, for couples of all ages. There is often one person in a relationship who wants their partner to shave or wax, which predominately seems to be a man wanting his woman to shave. But from what we've heard, the guy usually doesn't want to shave or trim himself so you are ahead of the competition there.
Venereous Shaving Trio
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Waxing can be very painful as this is an extremely sensitive part of the body. I do have some friends who've tried it and said that it's really only uncomfortable for the first couple tugs until your endorphins get going. That's of course aside from revealing yourself to a stranger - but if she's not uncomfortable at the gyno's office, it shouldn't be any more uncomfortable at a waxing salon.
I personally just go the fully shaved route. We've got a complete guide to shaving for women which we developed while reflecting on our everyday shaves so perhaps reading this might give her a few ideas if she wants to try something other than the electric razor. A multi-bladed razor like the Venus generally gets the skin very clean and smooth - but if she is not looking to trim it all down, the electric razor may work just fine for her.
Perhaps your wife feels too virginal being completely shaved? Maybe she'd prefer a landing strip or some funky shape instead on her mound and would be willing to just shave the lips? We're working on templates for all sorts of shapes ranging from a basic landing strip to lips, stars, arrows and more, in case she's interested in this idea. If we don't have them up on the site yet, email me and I'll put some together for you.
When she did the "buzzcut" I would guess that she had it trimmed so closely that it started to itch and was irritating. Because I usually go completely bald, if I go for about a week without shaving, I get to about the length she must have had and I really hate it. It isn't long before I am in the shower shaving it all off again. The stubble usually ends up pricking my skin all over and I have to agree it's not so nice during sex - but you're probably familiar with it also.
Ultimately, the decision has to be your wife's. I'm assuming you've expressed your thoughts and feelings about wanting her to pursue a new hair style so there really is little you can do without really pressing it. If she doesn't like the way a shaved mound looks or doesn't feel comfortable going bare (or even just partially bare), all the arguments in the world probably will not change her mind. As I mentioned before, you may be able to find some sort of middle ground about shapes or the amount of hair she shaves or trims which is pleasing to you both.
Have you suggested doing the shaving together, as a sort of foreplay? This might make it more appealing to her and could lead to much more fun ultimately. Maybe you could incorporate it into some sort of sex game? You might want to try creating your own "game" with IOU cards for a special occasion, including shaving on the cards as well a few other things she loves and maybe even a few things she's scared to try but you know she wants to do. Or perhaps you can offer her a complete weekend of pampering with all the treats and tricks but ask her to trust you from the start and not deny any request you make of her during the weekend. This would obviously be a very big trust issue but if you've been married for 18 years I hope your trust levels are still very high. Or you can purchase a game like Sexual Pursuits from www.adultsexygames.com/ which is a rather fun "Truth or Dare" style of game that allows you to add all of your own personal interests and fetishes to customize the game.
If the game route isn't appealing, you could try purchasing some small, sexy underwear or lingerie for her. One of my favorite micro-thong and bikini sites is www.WickedWeasel.com. The site's contest pages show off women of all ages and sizes showing off their goods in the smallest of Weasels. Perhaps putting on something so small which would reveal her pubic hair would lead her to think about trimming things back? Weasels are so small you really don't want to have any hair at all down there - or at least that's the way I feel about it. If you're going somewhere warm and tropical on vacation, this would be a perfect time to spring a gift like that on her.
But like I said before, if she's completely shut herself down to the idea, there may be little you can do aside from admitting defeat. But if she trusts you enough to experiment on other fronts, perhaps she will also give shaving another chance. Just try not to force the subject or bring it up too often; this could end up having a very undesired effect and make her resent the idea altogether. I guess patience and understanding are important to keep in mind.
Our product, Venereous Mountain Mist, was created to help eliminate the itching, little red bumps and razor burn that often accompany shaving. It's all natural and has ingredients like aloe vera to moisturize the skin, witch hazel to stop bleeding and prevent infection and silk protein & vitamin E to keep the skin smooth and soft. Perhaps she may find that this helps reduce some of the irritation if she does try some sort of grooming again. We'll even send you a free bottle if you're interested.
All the best & happy shaving!
Ayla
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